Being misunderstood is the most frustrating thing ever, right? Well, maybe not the MOST. But let’s agree that it’s definitely pretty frustrating.
There are countless reasons why you might be misunderstood, so let’s just stick to one:
your words. What is a word? Well, these are words of course, but “hey! here they are!” doesn’t seem like quite a scientific enough definition.
After looking through various dictionary definitions of “word”, it seems that the consensus is this:
“A word is a composition of letters that represents a spoken thing, with a space on either side when written or typed, and is an element of speech or writing typically used in the formation of a sentence.”
If I’m confusing you by trying to define the very thing that I’m using to formulate this sentence, then I guess I’m successfully getting my point across. Fuck, you probably don’t even get what I’m trying to tell you right now!
So you’re saying it’s yesterday? Or did you mean today???
So why is it that we fail to understand words so frequently, when dictionaries are available to tell us exactly what everything means?
Words are constantly evolving and aren’t always constrained by rigid definitions. Think about the word literally. Literally do it. I’m sure you already know how much “literally” has changed in recent years, but here’s what Aaron Sorkin thinks about it:
Definitions vary. Connotations vary. Decoding someone’s verbal message is tough enough when you have tone and body language to assist with cognition, but on paper it’s even harder to keep meanings from being misconstrued. And as mentioned before, we’re trying to define something by using that same thing to define itself. What’s a picture? Here is a picture of one. What’s red? Look, red! Clearly there’s a problem with this.
Even when the definition of a word is widely accepted, people may have different preconceptions and associations that align certain words with certain ideas. When you think of a word like “sports” what do you think of? If someone says to you “I like sports” what would you picture in your head? Some people may envision that person playing basketball, others may think of them playing chess. Others may picture them sitting in a ballpark, drunk and eating a hotdog. The possibilities are endless!
The first step in fixing any problem is to recognize that a problem exists. So in this case, recognize when there is a misunderstanding. In order to resolve a misunderstanding (or even better, prevent one from happening at all) it can be helpful to use alternate statements like analogies and examples to help make your point clearer.
But more importantly than all of this nonsense, the fact that your statements sometimes get misinterpreted probably means that you sometimes misinterpret the statements of other people as well. So the big lesson here is not to take everyone’s words as they seem on the surface, but to actually think about what that person is trying to say. And if you can’t figure it out, ask them to clarify! Or get them to give you some cool animated examples like this:
One of my favorite things in life (top 50 for sure) is when someone says something, I disagree with them, and then they restate their point in a better way that makes much more sense. And then we agree. This may even be the foundation of how friendships are built!
While clarifying messages and arguments might lead to having more friends for the average person, there are much larger ramifications for people in positions of power. It often amazes me how much those who are supposedly among the intellectual elite are unable to merely make people understand what they are talking about.
How would we make people understand our words? We would make them. But how would we make them understand? We would just make them!